You’re really, really hard on yourself. Sometimes this is okay because it helps us stay motivated and get shit done. (Too Damn Young wouldn’t be what it is today if you weren’t pushing yourself to.)
Right now though, I’m going to ask that you cut yourself some slack. Stop. Sit still. Listen.
You’re sad. This is a matter of fact, you are sad but for a long time you’ve been fighting against the feeling. These next few days aren’t going to be easy and honestly you shouldn’t have to pretend they are.
You are sad and as long as you’re okay with this then everyone else just has to get on your level. (Can I live?!)
Here’s why I want you to be okay with being sad — because the moments you’re going to be reliving in the next few days are hard ones and if you’re putting all of your effort into pretending that you’re not sad then you won’t have any energy to actually get through these days in the best way you can.
You’re kind of there already, but not 100%. Breathe in acceptance and breathe out the fear of letting yourself sink into the sad. There’s nothing to be afraid of because you know you can pull yourself out of it once it’s passed through.
You will survive this, but not giving yourself the chance to even feel sad is a tremendous disservice to you and to those around you. Channel your inner-kid and be completely okay with saying the words, “I’m sad and I miss my grandma and I can’t believe on Tuesday she’ll be gone for a complete year.”
Because you are sad. You do miss your Blancster and on Tuesday it will be a full year. (This is all going to be present, whether you choose to accept it or not.)