Going through important dates and holidays for the first time after someone dies is an extremely difficult experience. It forces you back to that same time last year, when you were spending the day with your loved one and serves as a reminder that they’re no longer by your side. It makes all those celebrations and holidays that are supposed to be joyful, extremely painful and hard to get through.
Everyone has those particular dates that are difficult to get through.
The memories are overpowering, whether it’s a birthday, Christmas, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, the list can go on and on.
For me, those hard days were every significant holiday and date that Matthew and I shared together. The first was his birthday, which was especially tough to get through because I had planned a lot of it before his passing. I had been excited and anticipated its arrival; I’d already even bought his present, so getting through it was heartbreaking.
The dates that followed didn’t get any easier or less painful. I trudged through Christmas and New Year’s and Valentine’s Day and our 2 year anniversary as a couple and my birthday and made it full circle back to the day of his death.
I was an absolute intolerable mess of depression and anxiety through these days and my sincerest thank you goes out to everyone who stuck around and helped me get through it.
This past year was the year of going through everything without him a second time and his death anniversary is today.
I’m not sure that it’s going to be any easier this time around. As the day approaches, I’m brought back to what I was doing on August 29th, 2014 or 2013 or even before that. I’m reminded of the amazing time I spent with him, and I’m reminded of the time that was taken away from us. It’s a reminder of the worst day of my life; the day that I lost someone I held so dear and near to my heart.
Today’s a reminder of something I don’t want to be reminded of.
This year though, along with the tears and grieving, I’m going to try my best to smile and be happy and celebrate Matt’s life, and what he lived of it. I have never met a happier person since Matt and I know he would want everyone who loves him to remember him by wearing the brightest colours possible. He’d want everyone to be as happy as can be by celebrating and remembering his happy life.
What makes it just a little bit easier for me is the never ending support and love that I receive from my family and close friends, and my current boyfriend. I cannot thank him enough for all the support he’s shown me as I live through my loss and grief.
They all keep track of the important dates and make sure to check in with me on those days, which I will forever be thankful for. This is one of the reasons why I love Too Damn Young so much; it’s an incredible community and support system available to anyone experiencing loss in their life. We all need that support and understanding through a time like this more than any other.