September is always the hardest for me. I mean, knowing that you’re gone makes every day hard, but now is the time of year when 9/11 is talked about in school, and it just brings everything back.
There is nothing I wouldn’t do to have you back here with me today. I wish I could’ve saved you that day, kept you from going to work.
I know it’s not my fault, but there’s this pit that sits in my stomach because I wish there was something I could do to save you, or even to bring you back.
I would do anything to have you back here daddy. I wish you could see me going off to school, to camp, and a few years from now, off to college. If I could see you again if even for a second, I would just want to sit with you and hug you and never let you go.
I would remind you a million times over how much I love you, and I would tell you about myself and my life. I would want to hear all about you too because I only know what others tell me.
I wish you were here with me to celebrate my birthdays, my accomplishments, and everything else in my life. I wish you were here to hug me and tell me that everything will be okay when I feel hopeless. I wish you were here to see me grow.
Daddy, I know you’re watching from heaven, but I wish you could watch me from earth.
I wish you could be here with me physically, even though you’re forever in my heart. I wish you could meet Jamie — oh daddy you would love her so much. She is so amazing and I’m so beyond lucky and thankful to have her as the last gift you left for me and mommy. She reminds me so much of you, just as everyone says I remind them of you as well. They say that Jamie and I are the “spitting images” of you and I’m so happy about that. Everyone says that they see a lot of you in me, in everything as amazing as my kindness and selflessness, to even the silly things like my dark curly hair and my long toes.
I know I only knew you for two years of my life, but I would do anything to get back those two years.
When you passed away, I was so young I didn’t even understand what death was. Everyday after you died, I would ask mom when you would be home, thinking that you were just on a business trip. I would pick up my toy phone and call you, and pretend to talk to you on it, which of course broke mom’s heart.
I guess I didn’t really know you all too well, being how young I was, but from the stories I’ve heard from your friends and family, I feel like I’ve known you a whole lifetime.
I often look at pictures and watch videos of us, just to try to relive the short amount of time we spent together. Well, now I am 16 and I still have a hard time grieving and accepting that you’re gone.
Daddy, I don’t know why such horrible things happen to such good people like you, because I know you did nothing to deserve this, but I hope that I’m making you proud. I just want to make you proud, daddy. My whole life, ever since you’ve been gone, that’s all I’ve wanted. And since you can’t tell me when I have done enough to make you proud, it keeps me motivated to keep going, and keep trying to impress you.
I think of you constantly, daddy. Every single day I think of you, and you inspire me. You inspire me to be the kindhearted, generous, selfless person that you were. Even though you’re not here with me today, you’re still my best friend, you always will be. I cannot wait for the day I see you again, no matter when that may be, because I miss you more than you can even imagine. Thank you daddy, for motivating me to be my best self, even though you’re not physically here with me to talk me through it all.
I love you so much daddy, more than you know.
P.S. GO BLUE!!