I wish my mom could see me grow up.
I know that sounds silly since I’m almost 21 years old, but, lately, I’ve felt like I’ve been doing most of my growing up in the years since she’s been gone. I’m learning a lot and changing a little each day. My mom is missing out on the person I am today; she is missing out on seeing the person she raised, actually grow.
It’s unfair that she raised me and took care of me until I was 18, making me into the person I am today, but can’t be there to see me go to college or get a promotion at work. I can’t call her and tell her about my new internship opportunities. I can’t share anything with her.
When I look to my future I think about all the things my mom is going to miss out on. Things like my college graduation, my wedding, and my first home. The list of the things my mom is going to miss is never ending, and these are things that are going to shape me. The woman that made it all happen can’t be here to see it herself.
I kind of dread these milestones even though each of them will be good things, they will still harbor sadness because that one person I always imagined by my side is gone.
I am so grateful for the years I did get to spend with my mother. I look back on them and smile. Her love will always be instilled deep within me. I am so blessed with the people I have in my life taking care of me after losing her, but recently, I can’t help but think about how badly I want to share important things with her. Even if she were only allowed back here for a day, I would love to update her on what’s going on with me. I would love to get her perspective on the decisions I’ve made. I would just love to hear her voice again.
I just miss my mom, and I wish she could see me grow up.