This Thursday, July 10th, it will be four months since my grandmother passed away.
Having lived in a NYC apartment, her and I always shared a room. At first the arrangement had to do with space, towards the end it had more to do with the fact that she could not be alone for safety reasons. In many ways I felt her absence quite literally because when I turned in my bed all I was faced with was her empty bed. I had inherited my own room, silence and all.
Someone dying always highlights the importance of living while you can and if you’re like me it also makes you partially hesitant of change. Sometimes the change is optional and sometimes it’s forced upon you.
A couple of weeks after my grandmother passed away, we had change forced upon us when the hospital bed she’d been sleeping in was picked up. (It was a rental.) The space it left behind was both literal and metaphorical.
Losing that bed led to a change that was more optional. I now had my own room and the chance to redecorate it, something I’d wanted forever. Suddenly, I could think of a million other things I would rather do. Honestly, I was scared. Making decisions on paint colors or new furniture felt like I was betraying my grandma’s memory. Rationally I know this isn’t true, but if there’s one thing feelings aren’t it’s rational.
In situations like this I’ve found baby steps to be incredibly important.
Today we painted my room. I’ll be getting a desk and some other small items this week too. But, I’m not really moving anything around. My bed will go in the same spot it’s always been, so will my dresser. This was a compromise I made with myself. It lessens anxiety and helps me actually enjoy the baby steps.
Click on the pic to see where I found all this great stuff!
Thoughts on my baby steps? How would you redecorate your room?
Image via WeHeartIt
2 Comments