Sitting down over coffee with country singer, Joel Crouse, is probably close to what sitting down with one of your friends feels like — easy, honest and comfortable, with only the best Starbucks has to offer.
The added benefit of sitting down for coffee is also that a lot of walls immediately come down making it much easier to “spill feelings.” (His words not mine.)
The setting is especially important when you’re looking to talk about some heavy topics, like we were. Take note: it’s a lot easier to spill the story of your loss, or in Joel’s case of a song you’ve written, when the background noise of frappe making is there to drown out the awkwardness.
After some small talk on the weather, ages, and hometowns, here’s how the conversation went…
Set up the scene for how Ruby (of “Ruby Puts Her Red Dress On”) was born…
“Ruby” was an interesting song to write on the album. I kind of got goosebumps because in a sense I didn’t write it for myself. I haven’t lost anyone close to me, but I have friends who have.
All these things were just in my mind as a writer. I wanted to write a song and I wanted to write a story that people relate to. When we went into the initial writing, it was Jamie Houston, my producer; Wayne Kirkpatrick, a very good songwriter from Nashville; and it was myself. There was a lot going on and Wayne’s got a really cool studio, it has kind of just a darker vibe, but it was cool. [It was] kind of a gloomy day, overcast and everything, so naturally when we were strumming chords and finding the melody to the song it tended to be a little bit sadder. We were kind of just letting creativity do its thing.
Why the name “Ruby?”
I wanted to do something with a name, so Ruby came out. I don’t know who said it. First, it was Ruby’s red dress, why does she wear the red dress? We’re just talking at this point, me, Jamie and Wayne, so Ruby’s dress why does she put it on? Why does she put it on when she’s alone? That’s kind of how it started forming, the story.
Did it take a while to get Ruby’s story right?
This song took about two or three co-writes. This was a song that we didn’t rush. I don’t like rushing songs because they have to be well written — they have to make sense. For a few months it was just a chorus and a little bit of a verse, so I had the chance to live with the chorus for a little bit and still create the story.
It took a long time to write, so I’m guessing not knowing what happens to Ruby’s loved one is intentional?
So, we didn’t initially say why her husband left and we [eventually] left that open ended for this reason. For it to relate to more people, I didn’t want to specify it and that’s what we talked about during the co-write. We didn’t want to limit it to just one person we wanted it to be able to reach anyone who’s lost someone.
This song is really special to me; it’s one of my favorites to play live because there’s such a story behind it. It gives me the opportunity to thank U.S. Military if there are any troops in the crowd. It’s also the only song that really isn’t a personal experience of mine on my record, that’s what makes it kind of special. It was a very creative thing that just helps other people.
Tell us about playing this song live. Is it harder because it’s so special?
I think at first explaining it, that was going to be the hard part; it was definitely explaining it in a way that could translate. The one thing I try to do at shows is set it up properly. I try to quiet the crowd a little bit, explain it, and that’s why if there are any troops in the crowd, or anyone who served, I kind of get to tell the story a little bit…so that it will translate through.
I played that song for a woman in Nashville and I had no idea she had recently lost her husband, like four months ago. She just started bawling during the song and we kept playing. It was Kyle and I, we kept playing, I said to her I was sorry I didn’t mean to bring up [sad memories], but she said, it was actually, it was more of a release for her.
One of our favorite lyrics is, “She keeps the room just how he left it / the book by the bed, his shirt on the chair” because we can see it and we relate to how monumental that is.
That was the thing we had talked about during the writing. One of the guys I was writing with, Jamie, he lost someone close to him and he had said, “When that happens to you, for months I didn’t clean out closets.” Same thing happened with my grandma. My grandfather passed away when I was younger, so for months she just left everything as it was.
You’ve mentioned that you haven’t lost anyone close to you. What’d you tap into to create these incredibly vivid moments within the song?
I kind of felt more for my friends. My mom lost her dad when she was 11 years old and when I played it for her it hit her really hard. It was more of just the weight of I was really tapping into my friends’ experience.
I have a very close friend who lost his wife and so I was just tapping into those emotions. There was just so much going on at that time that I think really the inspiration it came from other people.
That’s why the song is special for me. It’s not — to me I guess I get to be completely humble because it’s not my story, it’s your story, it’s a lot of peoples’ stories, but I think that’s why it’s special.
Do you have a song that means something similar to you?
I might be cliché; I actually like the Passenger song “Let Her Go.”
I’m going to sound like a hipster, but I did like it before it was popular. I did, I’m going to say, I liked it when it came out. I’m a huge Passenger fan. I’m a fan of singer-songwriters, just because I write so much.
Why is it your song?
That song… I was going through a time; there were personal issues, professional issues, family issues. I was kind of getting gloomy, going through a little bit of a break up at the time. That song… it makes me realize to be thankful and be happy for what you have.
I think not focusing so much on — For instance, when it’s “you only need the light…” I’m blanking on the lyrics… But, it’s just you always want something you can’t have. The line that kills me is obviously, “you only know you love her when you let her go”, and I’ve had that experience and it sucked.
Half my album was about a girl I dated between like 17-19, which is when I wrote the whole album. That song really hit home for me about her.
What song off your own album, Even the River Runs, is the song that gets to you the most?
There are a couple. There’s “You Can Break A Heart Like That” which is funny. I walked in on my girlfriend, we were kind of on and off dating — we couldn’t cut the ties. But, she did because I walked in on her with a college basketball player. He’s like 6’ 6”, I’m like 6 feet on a good day, so I left and that was my first trip to Nashville.
I was 16 or 17 and I ended up writing “You Can Break A Heart Like That” through that experience. When I’m playing it and I think about it, it kind of hits home.
We always write about the best or worst things people can tell you right after you lose someone you love. How have you consoled your friends who’ve lost someone?
I had a friend recently who lost her boyfriend. I just shot her a text – she doesn’t live in Nashville – and I’m sure she was getting a million calls from family and friends. I shot her a text and said,
“There’s really nothing I can say that’s going to make you feel better, but I’m here for you and I don’t know what you’re going through. Anything you need, just let me know and I’m here for you.”
That’s the best thing you could have said.
Because I’ve been there and I’ve [heard] people — worse line I ever heard was: “Oh I know, I just lost my dog a few months back.” And I was like, oh are you kidding me?
Oh, we know about those…
To me it tends to be like those people, I don’t think are outside their own headspace. They’re just stuck in their own world. Like I said, I don’t have that experience and that’s kind of the best I could do, I’m here if you need me, but I obviously don’t understand.
It’s a more security thing just being there for someone rather than trying to relate to them. I don’t think relating to them is the best too because it’s a personal matter, it’s a personal relationship, no one is going to relate to anyone in that situation unless they’ve gone through it themselves.
Such a modest and compassionate soul to say the least. Awesome interview!