Thanksgiving Day is in exactly 9 days and it’s really hard to count down the days until the really good food when you know there will be someone missing at the Thanksgiving dinner table.
When someone dies there are days you brave for: their birthday, your birthday, their death anniversary and every single holiday you ever celebrated together. Although you know to brave for them and that they will be hard days, this doesn’t exactly make them any easier to take than the days that just sneak up on you.
If anything, knowing exactly when they’re coming may make things harder. I, for instance, have tried to ignore that the holiday season is happening altogether, but I’ve also come to realize that this is going to get me nowhere.
There’s absolutely no way to ignore that my grandmother won’t be around for Thanksgiving – a holiday she loved because of all the food. There’s also no way to stop the memories from replaying or taking me back to last year when we celebrated Thanksgiving in a hospital.
I’m going to stop pretending. I’m going to sit at home, eat the food and let family time distract from the sadness. I’ll give thanks for being around people who love me, but I’ll also add a footnote to my thanks and say that I wish I that I didn’t have an absence to notice on Thanksgiving.
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