As soon as 12am came around and I knew it was finally 2015, two things happened. (1) I felt a huge sense of relief. I am free to leave what I want in 2014 and only take with me things that will help me grow. (2) Kanye West came out with a new song.
Now, usually Kanye West coming out with a new song would be interesting, but not noteworthy for me. The difference was that his “Only One” song with Paul McCartney was one that I could really relate to.
He walks you through a conversation his mom (who passed in 2007) is having with him. She’s letting him know that she knows he’s happy, that it’s okay for him to be happy and that she’s proud of him. In the song she’s giving him the permission he feels he needs to embrace all the great things that are happening in his life.
MAN. I cried when I heard the song. It’s beautiful and powerful and basically sets the tone for my January 1st. Here’s a song I can point to and say, “These are the same questions I want answered. How do I make this happen?”
Listening to the song made me sad and brought how much I miss my mom, and grandma, to the surface. It also reinforced my desire to make faith my word for 2015. After my grandma died, 2014 became the year I made it hard on myself by trying to be somewhere (literally/figuratively) that I wasn’t ready to be.
I’m learning to be more honest with myself, with those around me and to have faith that things will work out.
I’m scared of the future, especially since this is the first year I’m starting without my grandmother as my constant. She was my safe place since my mom died and she’s no longer around. I’m still a little bit lost, but it’s only Day 1.
So, at least, there’s that.
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