Recently, I was forced into my friend’s shoes. I was the person who had to figure out how to be there for a friend who is losing a loved one. I don’t know what to do.
Yes, I’ve lost loved ones. Yes, it’s happened more than once. But, no, this does not make me an expert on anyone else’s situation.
I started to think about what things I appreciated hearing and what I absolutely hated being told. So, while I figure out the rest, here are those two lists.
THINGS I DIDN’T MIND HEARING
- I’m here for you
- I can’t pretend to know what you’re going through.
- I love you.
THINGS I TOTALLY DID NOT LIKE HEARING
- I totally get where you’re coming from, one time I lost XYZ
- Can I ask you questions? Because I really want to ask you to give me more details.
- Oh, they lived such a long life (Helloooo, Too Damn Young no matter the age)
- It’ll all be alright.
- Oh, you’re just going through the first stage of grief. (What does this even mean?!)
- Just think of all the good things in the world. (Sure, this sounds great, but right now is not the moment to remind me of this.)
Not surprised that my second list is longer than my first.
What would you add to my lists? Any advice on how to approach the situation with my friend?
Photo via WeHeartIt
Simply BE with your friend. Lots of hugs (ask first), and let her/him talk about their feelings knowing there is no judgement.