Too Damn Young Note: Christine’s Q+A is the first in our Been There series. If you’re interested in filling out a Q+A, reach out to vivian@toodamnyoung.com.
FULL NAME: Christine Flammia 
TWITTER (if any): @_cflammia
MOST OF MY DAYS ARE SPENT: Interning or in school
WHO DID YOU LOSE?
I lost two of my guy friends.
HOW OLD WERE YOU WHEN YOU LOST THEM?
I lost them when I was 17 and 20.
IF YOU HAD TO DESCRIBE THE MOMENT RIGHT AFTER, HOW WOULD YOU?
Sick.
WERE YOU THE ONE WHO HAD TO TELL YOUR FRIENDS?
My best friend told me both times, actually. She called me frantically.
ANYONE WHO HAS LOST KNOWS THAT EVERYONE HAS SOME WORDS TO OFFER. WHAT WAS THE MOST COMFORTING THING SOMEONE TOLD YOU AFTER YOU LOST YOUR LOVED ONE?
My mom told me: “You can’t stop living just because he’s gone,” when I didn’t want to leave my room. It was a real wake-up.
IF YOU HAD TO DESCRIBE GRIEF IN ANY ONE WAY, HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE IT?
It’s just surreal. I never truly believed what was happening in the moment.
WHAT’S SOMETHING YOU WISH YOU WOULD HAVE BEEN TOLD RIGHT AFTER YOU LOST YOUR LOVED ONE?
I was lucky enough to be around people who understood. I needed to be with people who didn’t need to say anything — they just knew.
HOW DO YOU COPE WITH HAVING LOST YOUR LOVED ONE?
I actually got a tattoo of one of their baseball numbers, so whenever I’m upset I know he’s there. I also write a lot.
DO YOU DO SOMETHING OUT OF THE USUAL ON ANNIVERSARIES/BIRTHDAYS/SPECIAL DAYS?
If I’m home, I’ll go to the gravesite and always leave a letter. If I’m not home, I’ll listen to the playlist I made that reminds me of him.
IF YOUR LOVED ONE COULD SEE YOU NOW, WHAT’D YOU LIKE TO TELL THEM ABOUT YOUR LIFE SINCE THEY’VE BEEN GONE?
I would tell them how much they shaped the way I view the world. They both taught me to live big every day. Every time I feel lazy or uninspired, I have their voices in my head, saying “Christine, get it together!”
WHAT GETS YOU THROUGH A SAD DAY?
Writing or reminiscing with friends about good memories with him.
SONG/BOOK/MOVIE/TV SHOW/OTHER THAT REMINDS YOU OF HIM/HER:
The Hangover, Lost, We Made It, Lights of my Hometown, Tattoos on this town, Boats and birds.
ANYTHING YOU WANT TO ANSWER, BUT I DIDN’T ASK?
What breaks my heart the most is knowing there’s a world of people who will never get to know how wonderful they were. The thought of people forgetting they existed haunts me. This is the quote I always look to whenever I feel angry or upset. To me, it’s the perfect way to look at heartbreak: They are a part of who I am now.
“The reality is that you will grieve forever. You will not ‘get over’ the loss of a loved one; you will learn to live with it. You will heal and you will rebuild yourself around the loss you have suffered. You will be whole again but you will never be the same. Nor should you be the same — nor would you want to.”
