I recently came across CS Lewis’ A Grief Observed and immediately thought how it was possible that I had never read it, or even heard of it, before. The short book is a collection of Lewis’ notes on his journey with grief following the death of his mother from years before and the more recent death of his wife. While every passage is relatable for anyone who has experienced loss, one quote in particular stood out.
“The death of a beloved is an amputation.”
Initially, I read this from the most obvious position. I read it as though Lewis was saying that when you lose someone, you lose a part of yourself, a part of yourself that you will never get back. As I continued to read, I realized that Lewis’ metaphor was much more thought out. As he went on to explain, the life following a loved one’s death, like the aftermath of an amputation, is forever changed.
“He has ‘got over it.’ But he will probably have recurrent pains in the stump all his life, and perhaps pretty bad ones; and he will always be a one-legged man. There will be hardly any moment when he forgets it. Bathing, dressing, sitting down and getting up again, even lying in bed, will all be different. His whole way of life will be changed. All sorts of pleasures and activities that he once took for granted will have to be simply written off.”
Essentially, one does ‘get over’ the loss. The pain begins to diminish and a sense of normalcy will be restored. Eventually days will go by when the absence of a loved one is not so prominent, yet life is never what it was. Certain activities will be too painful. Holidays will certainly never be quite as joyful. It’s not that life will be a constant chain of painful moments but when such a significant part of one’s life is stripped away, it is impossible for life to go on unaffected.
Grief and remembrance are parts of every day after losing a loved one. But I suppose that’s how it should be.
