Photo courtesy of Naty
A few weeks ago we came across a fashion blogger’s Instagram that really let us in to her world and her own struggle with grief. Naty Michele (@NatyBaby) was nice enough to answer some of our questions on how she’s dealt with grief, who her dad was and how creating something positive from grief helped her.
TELL US ABOUT YOUR DAD.
My dad was amazing to say the least. He was intelligent, hard working, strong, selfless, loving and inspiring.
There wasn’t anything he would not do for the people he loved. He was in the education system for about 30 years. First he was a teacher and then assistant principle and eventually became the principle of his elementary school. He became a father figure to so many of those children and really helped to turn that school around and put it on a better path. He was a role model to many, especially me. He loved to cook, go hunting, work in the garden and do carpentry. He was an amazing writer, especially when it came to poetry and he loved country music. He even had a great voice. I took after him in so many ways and he definitely passed down that creative gene to me.
WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE MEMORY WITH YOUR DAD?
It’s way too hard to narrow it down to just one memory because I had almost 27 years filled with memories of him. Every single day with him in my life is a memory that I will cherish forever.
HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE GRIEF?
It’s difficult for me to put into words because you experience so many different emotions all at once.
It’s just this on going process of trying to accept such a significant loss.
From anger, to sadness, to guilt, to resentment, to fear… I felt all of those emotions for such a long time all while trying to understand what happened and why it did.
HOW DID LOSING HIM INSPIRE YOU TO START YOUR BLOG?
At the same time that I lost my father, I also lost my job. It was a blessing though because it allowed me to be there for my dad and it also got me out the door of a job that made me miserable. For the whole first year, I was not in a good place emotionally. I felt very lost and had no idea what I was doing with my life. Initially, I had turned to my music as a form of therapy and creative escape to help me cope with his loss. I even wrote and recorded a song about him which helped tremendously. Towards the end of the following year, I just knew that I needed something else. I needed another creative outlet. Something new and different that I could dive 100% into. So I started my blog, not thinking that anything would ever come from it. I dedicated so much time to it in hopes that in the process, I could figure out what I wanted to do. And it just so happens that that was the beginning of my new career.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL TRADITIONS YOU KEEP UP SINCE HE PASSED?
For every birthday, we would celebrate with a cake and sing Happy Birthday as most families do. So every year since he passed, I go to his grave with cupcakes and candles and I sing him Happy Birthday. For Christmas, he would give me and my sister our gifts and then a bag filled with little goodies, which were usually “practical” things like travel sized toiletries and gift cards. So now, my sister and I take turns doing that for one another. It’s those little things that help to keep him alive. There are also places he wanted to visit that I plan to visit for him.
WHAT’S ONE THING SOMEONE TOLD YOU AFTER YOU LOST HIM THAT TRULY COMFORTED YOU?
To be honest, words did not comfort me. It was more about the people close to me just being there for me.
They listened, they let me cry, they kept me company and they tried to help guide me down the right path again. I don’t think anyone ever knows what to tell someone when they lose a loved one. However, at his wake, literally every person there told me that my father had inspired them in some way. They kept saying that he was such an inspiration and in that moment I knew that I wanted to continue that legacy for him in some way.
WHAT’S THE WORST THING SOMEONE TOLD YOU AFTER YOU LOST HIM?
There wasn’t anything bad, just the typical “I’m so sorry for your loss” and “He is in a better place.” And although that is fine and what most people say, it just wasn’t very comforting in the moment.
DO YOU HAVE A QUOTE THAT YOU GO TO EVERY TIME YOU MISS HIM?
No, I just think of his smile or his laugh and it warms my heart. I look down at my “inspire” tattoo that I got in his memory, and I just remind myself to keep going. I know he is with me and he’s been guiding me every step of the way.
WHAT WOULD YOU TELL SOMEONE WHO JUST LOST SOMEONE THEY LOVE?
Allow yourself to feel whatever it is that you are feeling. It’s important to do that. I needed to feel weak and vulnerable so that I could tap into that and find my true strength. I needed to go into a dark place before I could find the light again and I needed to break completely so that I could put all of the pieces back together and rebuild my life. Losing someone changes you and sometimes believe it or not, that can be a good thing. In my case, it shook me to my core and made me realize what was really important in my life. It made me a better person. My dad continues to teach me and inspire me even though he is not here physically. Let your loss become your motivation in life and let that be a driving force to make you do better and be better. They may not be here physically anymore, but please believe they see all that you do and would want nothing but the best for you.
WHAT’S ONE THING YOU’VE LEARNED ABOUT GRIEVING THAT YOU FEEL ISN’T SAID ENOUGH?
Time does not heal all wounds, but you do learn to deal with it better as time passes. It’s been 4 years later and I still grieve. I think that’s normal though as there is no timeline for this. Everyone grieves in their own way. Don’t let anyone make you feel bad for still mourning the loss of someone who might have passed years ago. That emptiness and void will never be completely filled again because the person you lost is irreplaceable. But you will find some comfort in knowing that they are truly watching over you now protecting you and guiding you.
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- Original image from @NatyBaby instagram
Follow NatyBaby on Instagram here.
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