When I was still in high school, my mother and I often joked about how I would teach her to Skype so we could stay in touch during my college years. I wish I had that option now, whether it’s the urge to talk to her about the bad day I’m having or receiving a good grade on an essay. Unfortunately, I never had the opportunity to improve her technology skills.
During the winter break of my junior year of high school, my mother passed away after a five year battle with cancer. To say my life made a 360 change after that day feels like an understatement. We were best friends and had always faced the troubles in our lives together. Before my mother passed away, I had never lived with my father full time. Moving was just the start of realizing things would never be the same.
Right after moving in with my dad I made the decision to take my classes online for a semester. Few people thought I was making the right choice, but when it comes to grieving, I believe you have to decide what is the best method for you. For me, it was taking classes online for a semester, before going back to my high school for senior year. This gave me time to adjust to my new life.
Being a freshman at college is a whole new territory for me. Not having my mother to turn to is probably the hardest part. Parent’s Weekend resulted in a campus full of mothers and fathers. Students frequently receive care packages from their moms. The topic of how often you should call your mother occasionally comes up in conversations. I try to not seem overly sensitive, but all of those occurrences trigger my emotions. The transition to college also means figuring out how to tell new people that your mother passed away. I don’t want her passing to become the only thing people identify me with, but at the same time it is such part of me.
If something triggers my emotions, I should be able to tell the people around me how I’m feeling. Grief isn’t something to be ashamed of. If we continue to hold it in, which I know I often do, others won’t be able to help us. As sad as it may seem, there are many others struggling with the loss of a loved one. Each person’s experience with loss is unique to them, but everyone who has experienced grief can find some way to relate. Finding others, especially your peers, who are willing to listen to you talk about your grief can make such a difference. I’m not expecting them to have answers or know exactly how I’m feeling, all I ask is for others to listen.
For years I was unaware that someone who could relate to my type of grief had been by my side all along, but by then it was too late. My mother lost both of her parents to cancer when she was a young adult. I thought that because it had been decades since their deaths my mother must not be grieving any more. I never understood completely why she would cry when talking about her mother or write what would have been my grandmother’s birthday on the calendar. Now, I not only understand it but also find myself taking similar actions. I’ll never stop missing my mother, but the pain I felt in the months after her death is slowly converting to feeling more at peace as each year goes by.
As a junior, I had no idea the many ways my life would change in the coming years. I wasn’t expecting the death of my mother. I also wasn’t planning on receiving multiple scholarships, attending a 4-year private college, and spending a summer interning at my dream job. If we continue to be open about our grief and loss with others, we will be able to experience the support others with similar situations are willing to offer. Life does go on after losing a loved one, but feeling supported can make a difference in how one is able to handle their new life. Bad things happen in life, but I am glad I didn’t give up and miss out on all the good that can occur.
