I am so lucky to have had the type of relationship I had with my dad. While it makes his absence harder, it’s easier for me to keep him alive.
My dad and I used to always go to this somewhat secluded place whenever I needed some alone time. I always thought of this place as ours. It was close to our house and was on top of a field overlooking the town. Everything seemed so close but being there it was as if no one could reach you.
Sometimes all we did was throw the ball around for my dog to chase. Other times, it was like my dad was on some sort of mission to make me takeaway some lesson. Mostly he would tell me stories from when he was younger as examples of how he wanted things to be different and better for me. Here I gained new perspectives and always left feeling a sense of calmness and relief.
Six years after my dad died, I visited this place and was immediately brought back to all those times with him. I felt like I was a little girl again, most importantly, I felt like his little girl again. After losing him, I lost that feeling of protection and guidance only a father can provide to his daughter. But when I was there, I got that feeling back. Maybe it was because it was in that place I was always reminded of his support. Or maybe it was because I could genuinely feel him there with me.
I hadn’t spoken to my dad in a while; sometimes it’s a little weird speaking to someone who can’t respond. But there, it came naturally. No, I couldn’t actually hear him, but I could imagine what he’d say. It was like a feeling of serenity settled over me.
Even though it’s hard returning to places where you shared memories with a lost loved one, it’s actually pretty comforting. I’m not sure if I would have been ready to go back to that field immediately after losing my dad, but after some time passed, being there was just what I needed to be reminded of how close he still is.
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