Does Grief Always Have To Be Baggage?

There is nothing I like more than spending a night with my three favorite things: friends, food and drinks. It’s in those moments shared with friends when you realize you’re not alone in this life. Sometimes, however, a friend says something that takes you by surprise but not in a good way. Instead of leaving feeling like you could handle anything, you leave with your insecurities heightened.

The other day I met up with a group of girls who I’ve known for years. The eclectic personalities within the group always make for interesting conversations. Some time in the beginning of the night, we started laughing about a second-hand first date story. The protagonists? My friend’s brother and a girl I had never heard about. Last I knew he was with a girl he had dated for over a year.

When I asked her about them, she told everyone how they ended things. One reason she gave was that the girl had a lot of “baggage.” She went on to explain what she meant by “baggage” and with that, she mentioned how the girl lost her mom when she was young. Now I know this friend did not mean for her comment to be taken negatively. And with three of us at the table having lost parents, I know she didn’t even think about what she said. But the comment still stuck with me.

If you lose a parent, does that automatically leave you with baggage to be handled by those around you?

As my friend explained, baggage isn’t usually described in the best light, instead it’s used as a reason for why a relationship ended or why one never even started. And while I hate to say this, I think losing a parent does leave you with baggage. But, the baggage doesn’t always have to be the raggedy kind you shake your head at when you see people dragging it through the airport. Sometimes the baggage is a really, really nice set of luggage.

By this I mean, yes, losing a parent is baggage in the sense that it’s something that colors the way you see the world. Your perspective has changed because you’ve lived through a lot. Some people won’t know how to deal with that.

But would you really want these people in your life anyway?