My mother and I ended up having more in common than just our sense of humor and love of musicals.
I lost my mother, who had both of her parent pass away by the time she was a young adult, during my junior year of high school. After her passing, I realized how much I learned from her about life after loss and dealing with a loss and grief as a teen/young adult.
Here are 5 things I learned from my mom about life after losing a parent:
Acknowledge Special Occasions
My mother always wrote her parents’ birthdays and anniversary on the calendar. It can be healing to take time to recognize birthdays and holidays you enjoyed spending with your loved one. Some people may feel comfortable with visiting the cemetery, but that is not the only option to celebrate their life. Visiting their favorite restaurant or watching a movie they loved in the comfort of your own home can be just as special.
It’s Okay To Cry
Even though my mother lost her parents decades ago, I’d occasionally see her cry when speaking of them. There’s nothing wrong with crying about the loss of a parent, whether it’s been months, weeks, or years. Sometimes a good cry is just what you need to acknowledge your feelings. As I go through life, I don’t expect myself to stop missing her. I know that it’s okay to express how I feel about losing her even when I’m older.
Cherish All Relationships
My mother often pointed out how I reminded her of my grandparents because of my personality. I think because she had experienced losing both parents, the family she did have was very important to her. It may be why we had such a close mother-daughter relationship and considered each other our best friend. Losing my mother has opened my eyes to how I should cherish the moments I get to spend with my father.
Empathy
Before her passing, I struggled to feel empathy for those who had lost a loved one. My mother was always empathetic towards those going through hard times. Experiencing loss made more empathetic, whether someone is grieving or experiencing another difficult experience. She taught me how to be kind to everyone because you never know what they are going through in their personal life.
Strength and Independence
My mother was one of the strongest and most independent women I have ever met. Losing both parents made it necessary for her to grow up quicker than most. My mother didn’t wait around for others to take care of problems, she took charge and solved them herself. Speaking up and letting it be known how I feel about decisions affecting me isn’t that hard anymore. She was comfortable going out to eat or to a movie alone. I’ve learned how to be okay with going places by myself. Losing a parent has also caused me to grow up quicker, but I have my mother’s life to look back on as a example of how to become a strong and independent woman.
