TELL US ABOUT THE PERSON YOU LOST.
When I was 11, one month before my 12th birthday, my mother died. I was completely heartbroken because she meant a lot to me. My father was not around when I was younger, therefore she was the only person I had in my life to look up to. She was my role model. My mother and I had such a close bond; it was beyond anything that anyone could ever imagine. My mother was like my best friend. I told her everything, and she was always there when I needed her the most. My mother was the happiest person you could ever meet. She always had a smile on her face that was so big it could light up any room she walked into. My mother was the most important person in my life.
WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE MEMORY WITH THIS PERSON?
My favorite memory was when we would watch soap operas together at home. I would lay on her stomach and listen to the beat of her heart. My mother and I would spend the whole day together in bed just watching our favorite soap operas, General Hospital and All My Children.
HAS LOSING HER INSPIRED YOU TO CREATE ANYTHING POSITIVE AS A RESULT?
Losing my mother at such a young age was very tragic for me. The passing of my mother inspired me to work harder at my sketching and designs, which she loved so much. I knew that after her death I needed to keep the promise I made to her before she passed away – I told her I would become a Fashion Designer. I know she’d be proud of me with every step I take towards this goal. It took me about a year to get refocused with my goals, and with the support of my family I was able to create a website where I could start sharing with the world my passion for designing clothing. I even already have the name of my clothing line; Y.A.T.Z, which are my mother’s initials, Yvette Antoinette Thomas and the Z is for style. I know that my mother is forever with me and guiding me to pursue my dreams
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL TRADITIONS YOU KEEP UP SINCE SHE PASSED?
Ever since my mother birthday passed away, my brother and I do something special to remember her on that day. On her birthday my family and I sit in the family room and talk about the good memories we have of her. After our discussion we get balloons, write a message to her, put them in the balloons and release them into the sky. It’s been two years since we lost her, but sometimes it feels like it was yesterday and for me it’s so important to keep her memory alive.
WHAT’S ONE THING SOMEONE TOLD YOU AFTER YOU LOST HER THAT TRULY COMFORTED YOU?
My cousin Tekisha, comforted me the most immediately after my uncle sat my brother and me down to tell us that our mother passed away. I remember my uncle uttering the words that no one ever wants to hear. He said our mother passed away. I remember yelling out “no no” and then I looked at my brother and said “Zachary now we don’t have anyone, it’s just you and me” My cousin Tekisha who was sitting directly next to me said “you still have us”. Through her own tears she was able to comfort me, and hold me so very close. She went on to tell my brother and I that we will never be alone because we will always be a part of her family. My uncle, who is Tekisha’s dad, made it very clear that as my mom’s big brother he would take care us, the same way he took care of his own children. I can’t explain how blessed I am to have them in my life. Tekisha went on to say that although my mother was not hear physically she will always be a part of me and my brother’s life in spirit. Tekisha has no idea how much her words comforted me during my time of sorrow.
DO YOU HAVE A QUOTE OR SONG THAT YOU GO TO EVERY TIME YOU MISS HER?
I have a song and also a quote that I go to when I miss my mother. The song is called “Mirror On the Wall” by Bruno Mars. The song is about how you can look at yourself in the mirror to you see how much you have overcome with all your ups and downs. I listen to that song when I miss my mom because my mother went through a lot as a single parent of two children. My favorite quote is one I made that helps me to continue on the pathway to success – “You got to believe to achieve if you want to succeed with your dream”. I go to that quote whenever I’m missing my mom, or when I am struggling with something. That quote gives me the strength I need to keep pushing forward on my quest for greatness. It helps me to believe in myself and be strong no matter what obstacles come my way.
WHAT WOULD YOU TELL SOMEONE WHO JUST LOST SOMEONE THEY LOVE?
I would tell that person I know what sorrow feels like. I would tell them that losing someone you love is so very painful, and that although you may think you can’t get past it, you will. I would tell them to look at any photos, jewelry, perfume, cologne or clothing they have from their loved one because this will help you keep those beautiful memories close to you heart. After I lost my mother I collected all her perfume bottles and custom jewelry and I cherish them dearly. I spray a little of her perfume on every day because it helps me to keep her spirit alive in me.
WHAT’S ONE THING YOU’VE LEARNED ABOUT GRIEVING THAT YOU FEEL ISN’T SAID ENOUGH?
I learned that it’s important to keep friends and family around to help you because you’re really going to need them. I learned that people don’t know what to say sometimes because they feel awkward, so instead they say nothing. I also learned that because people are often not able to relate to losing someone so close they take your loss very lightly. I want people to know that although there are times I may look sad or down it’s only for a moment and that they should comfort me instead of moving away.
HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE GRIEF?
I would describe grief as a deep pain, with a bottomless pit. Grief is the worst pain you could experience because you feel awful and everything seems hopeless. However, I need people to understand that they have to try and climb a little bit every day to get out of that pit, because you must go on no matter how terrible you feel. It’s been two years since I lost my mother and her love continues to live on in me. I have gotten so much stronger since losing my mom. Grief sucks, but little by little you realize happiness is also an option.
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