After you lose someone you gravitate between finding a new normal and feeling guilty about finding the new normal.
On Monday I managed to make it out in the freezing NYC cold and I met with a friend for breakfast. (FYI, good breakfast food makes everything better.)
As I was sitting across the table from her I started to become a bit anxious, I attributed it to my coffee giving me the jitters. Looking back I think it’s just that sometimes I’m still uncomfortable with having a good time.
Many would say, “but it’s almost been an entire year since your grandmother died.” I don’t think that there’s a magical moment when suddenly you feel “okay.” I think time as a larger concept does make sense, as in there’s a tie between time and you feeling more comfortable, but I think it’s the events that happen in any given time that make a difference.
The more I go out, or settle into new relationships, the better I’ll get with being able to sit across from someone, having fun, without feeling anxious.
(But here’s why I try to remind myself…I did have fun. I enjoyed being in that moment. This is a huge step forward.)
