A Letter To My Future Self After Losing My Dad

Dear Future Me,

Are you okay? How is your mother and little brother? How are you?

I’m not too sure why I’m writing this letter to be honest, I just feel like it’s the right thing to do since it has already been 3 years since he’s passed away.

3 years.

Oh how time flies. It’s strange, I feel like I’m only now starting to grieve. I just want to let you know that if you still are, it’s okay. It’s okay to miss him. It’s okay to think about him.

Thinking back, I must admit, you weren’t the healthiest.

You were starting your senior year and everything was overwhelmingly hectic. You felt sad, alone and dark. You didn’t know how to move on from losing a father. But you know what? No one does.

I finally understand that now.

In the middle of the night you would always ask — why? Why is this happening to us? Why is this happening to me?

You’d also ask — what have I done wrong to deserve this? How am I supposed to support a family who has an unemployed mother who does not speak fluent English and a brother who has just started high school?

How am I supposed to cope with all of this?

You know what? You did cope with all of this, it just wasn’t in the healthiest way. You placed yourself in a prison. A prison which resulted in self hatred. What I really want to say to you is that I hope you’ve escaped.

Actually, I know you have escaped. You are strong.

I hope your darkest fear of not doing enough, of not being enough for your family has been conquered. I hope you have come to terms with how wonderful you are. I hope you know that you’re important too, and your mother and brother are not the only people that you should be looking after.

I hope that all that darkness and self hatred that consumed you has finally disappeared. I hope you have come to understand that you should be living life to the fullest, cherishing every moment possible. I hope that you are finally happy.

He is watching over you, never forget that.

Sincerely,

Present Me

Too Damn Young