So, when we lose someone close to us lots of words of comfort are shared, but with them come a lot of questions too.
For instance, when I lost my cousin I had lots and lots of questions asked. They came from family members, and friends, and people at school.
I want to talk about the main question that I got asked…
are you okay?
This question moves from a comforting phrase to an annoying one rather quickly. At first, it comforts you to know that people want to be there for you through the hard time and that their way of doing so is by giving you the space to open up. They ask the question because they ultimately want to make sure that you’re not bottling up your feelings.
After I first lost my cousin I felt comforted when I was asked this question, but halfway through the week I got sick and tired of it.
These three little words upset and angered me all at once. I’d been asked that question so much that during my history class, on the day of my cousin’s funeral, one of the girls in my class asked me if I was okay and I snapped. I was in the middle of asking my teacher about a an assignment, when I just turned to this girl and shouted at her. I forget about my question and where I was — I told her that I wasn’t okay, that this isn’t the kind of question you ask someone whose cousin just died.
I didn’t apologize and still haven’t until this day, which I feel awful about.
The people who asked if I was okay were only trying to be nice, but the thing is that at that point I didn’t want to be asked.
Now, in a way, I’m glad they did ask. It reminds me that people care about me.
I know that it doesn’t seem helpful at the time or you don’t connect them asking to them genuinely caring because most times it feels like people are just being nosy. Trust me, most aren’t.
If I had remembered this at the time of my cousin’s death I feel like I would’ve felt a little less upset. Try not to keep to yourself when something like this happens. Talk to people because there’s always someone to talk to — someone who’ll want to listen to what you have to say, I promise you.
