At last nights Emmys Billy Crystal said something about Robin Williams that made me stop for a second, (well two things because “Robin Williams: what a concept” was perfection):
“It’s very hard to talk about him in the past, because he was so present in all of our lives.”
Probably one of the hardest/most overlooked realities after losing someone is going from “is” to “was.”
Leaning on the past tense when talking about a loved one is one of the biggest reminders that they are actually gone. It’s also very hard to transition to. You have to stop yourself mid-sentence when you realize you’re talking about them in present tense. You have to train yourself to remember that they will now only exist in past tense. In a lot of ways you, and all of us, were robbed of present and future tense.
It doesn’t get any easier once you’ve finally mastered the “is” vs “was” dilemma; if anything it’s even a little harder to learn to live with the reality that someone you love does not have the potential to live in your future. At least not in the physical sense.
In our Q+A with Rachel Doyle (which you can read here) she said something about her grandmother that is true to of us all:
” I think about all the fun things that she brought to this world and I remember that and then I share it with other people.”
And, that’s one way to cushion the blow of having to speak in past tense.
Image: ABC News Twitter
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