The lack of blog posts these past few days have been for two reasons: (1) I’ve been sick and (2) I’ve been so busy that as soon as I get home I crash.
Being sick and being busy elicit two different reactions from me when it comes to grief.
Being busy is the lesser of two evils because in many ways it’s actually good. I’m so distracted by the moments, that I’m living “in the moment” more. (Something you tend to strive for after losing someone you love.)
It’s also been nice being so busy because I get to check things off. It’s probably one of the best ways to feel like you’re moving forward.
Being sick on the other hand is your “two steps back” in the common phrase, “one step forward, two steps back.”
I expect a lot from my body and when I get sick it almost feels like a huge red flag with white words painted on it reading, “I need a break.” All in all taking a break isn’t a bad thing, but it works against you when all you’re trying to do is stay distracted, but all you can physically do is stay put.
It’s no secret that I lost my mom and my grandmother over the span of 10 years. I was so lucky though that after I lost my mom, my grandmother was around to fuss over me when I was sick.
Now every time I’m sick I think about the little things I took for granted. How she would check my forehead for a fever, make me soup and make sure that I took my medicine. As you grow up you become more self-sufficent, but there are very few people who would say that they hate when someone takes care of them when they’re sick.
I’m not one of these people. It’s probably one of the only situations in which I give up control so easily. I want someone to take care of me when I feel like shit. It makes me sad that the someone I’d been counting on for so long is no longer an option.
